Day 2 - Temptation is Everywhere

One of the things I am realizing in this whole process is that temptation is EVERYWHERE.  Seriously.  Everywhere.  People are constantly offering things to eat, selling awesome things to eat, talking about fantastic restaurants, and so on and so on. 

Before this whole business I would turn a blind eye and ignore temptation.  I have since discovered the problem with that approach:  if I ignore it, it doesn't make it go away.  This, I think, is one of the key things that continuously leads me back to the fat version of myself.  When I would get out of that "dieting" mindset I would begin to focus my attention on the temptations around me.  I think that because I ignored them before and didn't address the temptations (read: work through the issue) is one of the very reasions - if not THE reason - why I basically turned into Jim Carrey in "Yes Man" at the end of each dieting cycle.  Would you like a free cookie?  Yes.  Would you like to order pizza?  Yes.  Would you like to stop by Jilly's for a cupcake as big as your head?  yes, Yes, YES!

When those topics came up before, I would always either practice avoidance or I'd rationalize it away:  "I'm on a diet, I can't do that...but later, when I'm NOT on a diet, I can".  Today, I addressed real, honest-to-God temptation. 

It sucked balls.

We took the girls to the circus today.  Yeah, you know, the very same place where they sell cotton candy, ice cream, nachos and other delightful little treats that are enormously bad for you.  They are so bad...but so, so good.  Rather than avoid them by conveniently having to go to the bathroom when the tasty treats arrived, or rationalizing it away by thinking "Oh yes, in 6 months they WILL be mine", I actually went through the painful process of thinking it through. 

It went something like this:
I really want to eat some of those delicious looking nachos.  I'm not hungry.  I don't even really want to eat anything right now.  But dammit I want them.  I don't just want one, even though I will tell myself that having that one will cut it.  No.  No, I want the whole damn thing and add extra cheese for good measure.  That's what I want.  Ok.  Not going to have it.  That part is settled.  I'm changing my mindset and know that it's the right choice to make.  But why the hell did I want it in the first place?  Well, the freaking truth is that I like food, especially food that tastes delicious...much like those nachos that I really am not going to consume.  Unfortunately, even though I like food, I have to understand that eating when I'm not hungry is really counterproductive.  I get to enjoy the taste of something yummy, but I only get that enjoyment for about 5 seconds and then I end up dealing with consequences of guilt and, ultimately, the packing on of pounds to my already overloaded body for much longer than the momentary delight of eating such a delectable treat.  As my very wise mother would say:  "A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips."

That internal dialogue really wasn't the kicker, though.  The question I am asking now that I never did in the past was:  "Is it worth it?"

The answer, at the end of the day, is No.  But really weighing that statement tended to get me thinking about the true cost of overeating, and eating without regard to consequences.  So, needless to say, I stuck to it today.  It isn't worth it.  It isn't worth the avoidance of mirrors, the panic-inducing trips to the mall whenever someone even suggests the idea that I buy clothes, and it most certainly isn't worth my health. 

Yay for me.  I am excited that 48 hours has gone by without one cheat.  I have stuck to my two shakes, snack, piece of fruit, and 550-calorie-or-less meal.  I am gonna beat this, by God.